Living with Depression

:)
1. blogging! magazine response good.
2. Had FUN Last night.
3. Saw Hide and Seek.
4. Got another project to launch SOON.
5. Slept today.

I am thankful for...
1. God.
2. My love.
3. Rae.
4. John.
5. "Dr. Pepper"

I'm hearing right now...
Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Green Day - Basket Case

I'm feeling Happy.

I mentioned that I do this blog because I am trying to recover from depression. That of course is an indication that I am depressed. Being a person with depression isn’t as always as one would think and it takes a whole different kind of person to deal with someone who is depressed. Taking care of someone like myself mustn’t be easy as I like to see the negative and it is harder then you can imagine to see the positive of a situation. It seems easy to say just do it but when you are depressed you can’t sometimes. If you are lucky you can try and sometimes if you are manic you can be on top of the world and others feel like everything is going wrong.

Sometimes it is hard for people to tell what stage I am in. Others they’ve only seen me when I’m manic happy instead of manic depressed. Regardless both sides exist and both extremes are VERY extreme with rare occasions of control where I am in the center. Either I’m really happy or I’m really sad.

I think that some of my closest friends in specific one have had a hard time dealing with this. I can understand that. It isn’t easy dealing with someone with this condition such as myself. As a matter of fact it can be quite hard. Sometimes I want to just tell her I’m sorry I am the way I am. I hate myself for it. I hate that I can’t change myself as easily as she believes. I hate that I hurt her and hurt myself.

I am getting better. I am getting more positive. I think most of my readers will agree with that. Since I started this thing ages ago I’ve seen improvement and so have many people close to me in my life. Starting today I am going to do better though. Starting today I am going to always look at the positive of a situation no matter how hard.

I know sometimes I will have a lapse. I know that is a negative self-fulfilling prophecy but I am trying to not lie to myself… however I expect them to be short and I expect to get better faster.

I am going to need your help. I am going to need help especially and I hope she reads this and understands that.